I’ve been out of pocket for the last few days because I’ve been experiencing a lot of transition, both literal and figurative. I moved, got the men children situated in school, bought equipment for a new project I’ll be launching soon (details coming this week), and working on my journal writing master class, “When We Journal, We Journal Hard” (shameless plug) that will be taking off in about a week. In the midst of those outward transitional paths, I’ve had a whirlwind of emotional upsets and shake-ups. I made the decision to have a true joint custody situation with my co-parent, and although I know it’s the best and most beneficial thing for all involved (the girlfriend I mention here is still on notice), but it was and is gut wrenching to test the theory of complete trust with my co-parent.
Throughout the roller coaster ride of the last few days, I’ve had to come face to face with my “dark and light” sides over and over. The topic of seeing my lower self versus my higher self has been a major topic for me in the last couple of weeks. The idea of integrating the dirty, nasty parts of my character with their clean, pristine counterparts is daunting and scary to say the least. At the same time it’s one of the most liberating things that I’ve ever had happen in my life. I’m always on the “vibrate higher” train because it absolutely speaks to making the choice to flow with true evolution. I like to speak of all of the “positive” things that will lead you to that higher level of being, but the question for me is this: how can I get to the highly developed, ethereal me if I don’t unearth the not so pretty things about myself.
I started a class over the weekend that calls into focus the true meaning of being a fully realized, ultra powerful person. One of the first things we were instructed to do was to recognize that no characteristic is greater or better than the other. One of the points used to drive the idea home was that even the most seemingly docile creature will defend her loved ones, which can reveal the not so docile traits. Another way of looking at it is the idea of a “good witch” or a “bad witch”. Instead straying from the bad witch, acknowledge that both witches exist when necessary and they both have a role.
One of the first filthy, nasty things that I had to come to grips with is that I can have a hell of a mean streak. It doesn’t reveal itself too often, but after recently coming into contact with a few people (not just one) that I have a history of not trusting and having to live through their choice to be dishonest even in the most unnecessary situations, I could feel my option of compassion and patience slipping away just at the prospect of having to entertain them. I could run through my mind all of the things that could cause them discomfort and recognize my ability to control and dominate them. When I was younger, I would have stepped up to the plate and put the hammer down without batting an eyelash, but as I’ve gotten a bit more realized as a woman, I can see that knowing that I can think and act in a way that’s frowned upon doesn’t necessarily mean I have to do it. Without my conscious study of the use of compassion and patience, I can go off the rails very quickly. To add another layer, I could cause damage and not need to see the results of my work. The knowledge of my dominance would be enough. But I didn’t do anything. I just allowed the patience and the power of silence to balance it all out.
I’m saying all of that to say that I’m definitely coming to a place of comfort in knowing that I have the tools to stand up for myself and my loved ones without apology. For a while I thought I needed to be butterflies and fairies even in the face of imminent danger. That’s simply not true and I embrace it all. The good things don’t exist without the bad…period. The thing that requires focus, for me at least, is that now that I know what the components of me are, I can start and continue refining them. I’ve been doing that by speaking up even in the most uncomfortable situations. If there’s something that must be said, then I don’t hesitate or apologize for bringing the matter up. It sounds simple, but it’s powerful. You know where I stand from almost the moment you meet me, so it’s clear that if things get out of whack between us, it won’t be for a lack of understanding my personal perspective.
Alrighty loved ones, I have to get back to the business of preparing the curriculum for “When We Journal, We Journal Hard”.
Come on guys, sign up :). I have a special offer going for today that gives you 50% off the regular cost of the class. Use the code WJH50 and watch the price drop. I’ll be touching on this very topic in one of the classes, so join me.
I’ll see you in class. Keep recognizing the light and the dark 🙂