When You’re Scared But Your Only Option Is To Be A Boss

I want to be a boss.  No, scratch that, I am a boss.  I just get scared sometimes.image

It became clear to me a while back that working for others, on a long term basis at least, just doesn’t work for me.  Neither does the “working from 9-5 and working on my dream at night” thing.  I’m not opposed to doing what needs to be done to take care of my responsibilities, but I know deep down inside that it would be soul killing to maintain.  I had to come to grips with the fact that I would have to do “it” myself, step out on faith, and become an entrepreneur.  The conscious decision to shift my perception of how one makes a living freaked me out.  As much as the traditional job doesn’t float my boat, that type of work is where the majority of the money I’ve made in my life has come from.  The security of a regularly scheduled payment has been the norm and I like the certainty of that arrangement.

Even more mind-blowing than having to execute a perception shift, I had to accept that I imagecouldn’t make a living unless I was able to be my full self to when getting the job done, and if you know me, my full self is something like that of an artist/creator, mystical/mythical unicorn type who lives in the sky a lot of time (blame the Pisces sun and Gemini moon).  I’ve always loved being around creative people, but I never thought of myself as an artist.  Creator yes.  Artist no.  The self-doubt was destroyed when I realized that I feel most like myself when I’m writing something.  Anything.  Lists, novels, blog post, whatever, if I write it down I get a little lift from it.  That feeling is something I’m addicted to.  I figured if I did that enough, then I should be able to make a living from it.  In addition to that, I have the gift of effortless discernment of the people that I come into contact with.  I can easily read the next person’s energy and figure out most of that person’s underlying issues of concern.  Instead of seeing that as a burden, I decided to embrace it and see it as an enhancement to anything that I do.  My love for writing coupled with the strong intuition gave me something to work with, especially since I like to be in service and advocacy for others, but I still held fear about what to do with it and about taking a risk.  I do have children who need stability and have already had their resiliency tested through major moves, so you can understand the apprehension.

P1150631After doing a TON of work around getting to know myself in terms of what a comfortable livelihood is for me, I was brought to one conclusion: I can only function as a boss. Not the kind of boss that gets off on telling others what to do, but the kind that’s in control of her own life.  So…now…I’m a boss.  But boss of what?  I’ve owned a business with my co-parent, but on my own, what am I really in charge of other than myself?  The answer to those questions came to me a few months ago.  No matter how much I avoided them, the answers kept showing up.  So…I…am…the…boss…of…The Shy Peacock Lifestyle.  I’m in the pre-launch phase of my own lifestyle empowerment service and I’m so excited that I’m scared as hell.  I’ve been planning to do this for a while and I kept backing off because the timing didn’t feel right, plus it means that I’m solely responsible for my livelihood.

No matter how much fear tries to infiltrate, I can’t shake the facts and facts are as follows:

  • I’m a servant.
  • I have the heart and mind to help people transform their lives and reach their greatest potential.
  • I want to have a hand in uplifting people of color, especially women.
  • I have a voice that people listen to.
  • I grow, change, and evolve by helping others to come to terms with growth, change, and evolution.
  • I am a humanitarian, that happens to be an artist, writer, creator, and curator.

I know the bullet points make it all serious and formal, but I have to list these things out, not just for potential clients, but for myself.  There’s no other option for me.image

What it’s coming down to is that I have to “feel the fear and do it anyway”.  I must say thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the support I’ve been getting and the words of encouragement.  My almost constant state of gratitude has kept me open enough to receive this calling.

So…The Shy Peacock Lifestyle will launch very soon and I look forward to serving you and doing “the good work”.  I’m backed by personal experiences, formal training, and the grace of God, so you’ll see how effective my advocacy work truly is.

Shout me out.  I live off of the kind words of my peers.  Leave some love in the comments section because it boosts me to where I should be 😉

I love you all and I’m honored to be in a position to be a cheerleader to you all.


4 thoughts on “When You’re Scared But Your Only Option Is To Be A Boss

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